Lost Inside the Church
He entered the room without knocking and threw himself into the chair in front of my desk. He was sweating. It was evident that he was nervous.
– Pastor, I’m lost! – he said without beating around the bush. Just three words. It would be unnecessary to say more to describe the tragedy of a conflicted soul. I could accept this declaration from anyone else, but not from that young man. I knew him very well: he was an exemplary young man, a faithful member of the church. But there he was, with teary eyes repeating:
– You can believe me, pastor, I’m lost! I’ve been a Christian since birth. Everyone thinks I’m a good church member. My parents believe I’m a wonderful son. Church members think I’m a dedicated young man. They even appointed me Youth Director. I often hear parents telling their children, “I wish you were like that young man!” Everyone thinks I’m a model Christian, but it’s not true, Pastor, I’m a mess. I’ve just done something horrible, and it’s not the first time. I was desperate, anguished like before. I even felt like dying. I am not who everyone thinks I am.
I tried to say something, but he cut me off:
– I don’t want to be like this, Pastor. I want to be a true Christian, but I can’t. I’ve fought so many times, I’ve tried hard, but I always end up defeated.
It hurt me to see that young man like that.
– You’re disappointed in me, aren’t you? – he asked anxiously.
Disappointed? I had a lump in my throat. I tried to hide my sadness, my pain, because in reality, the drama wasn’t just his. I knew many young people in my church also lived this sad reality. “Pastor, I’m lost!” Lost? Yes, lost inside the church.
Is it possible to be lost inside the church? Unfortunately, yes. There are those who, like this young man, are lost doing the wrong things while no one sees, but there is another class of the lost: those who do everything right, apparently fulfill all that the church asks, live worried about details of regulations and norms, but are equally lost.
There is a biblical text that speaks of the rich young man. "As he was starting out on his journey, a man ran up to him, knelt before him, and asked, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ ‘Why do you call me good?’ Jesus replied. ‘No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not give false testimony,’ ‘You shall not defraud,’ ‘Honor your father and mother.’’ ‘Teacher,’ he declared, ‘all these I have kept since I was a boy.’ Jesus looked at him and loved him. ‘One thing you lack,’ he said. ‘Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’ At this, the man’s face fell. He went away sad because he had great wealth." Mark 10:17-22
The rich young man was just like any young person in today’s church. He was a member of a congregation whose leaders were very concerned with rules, laws, and regulations. “You can’t do this.” “You can’t do that.” “Doing this is a sin.” “Doing that is also a sin.” That young man grew up with a wrong concept of God. He imagined Him sitting on His throne of justice, dictating rules, with a serious face and a rod in hand, ready to punish the disobedient. Since childhood, his parents and the church leaders demanded strict compliance with all the rules. They were leaders concerned with the church’s image. What really mattered to them was that people followed the rules, that they were good church members, and nothing more. The rich young man learned to follow all the norms and laws. Apparently, he was a well-behaved young man, active in the church, participating in programs and services, could be pointed out as an example for others, but something was wrong deep down: he wasn’t happy, felt lost despite doing everything right. One day they announced Jesus’s arrival in his city. The story is recorded in Mark chapter 10. The church leaders, still only concerned with the rigid adherence to the laws, were the first to go out to meet Jesus. The sacred record states: "Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’" (Mark 10:2) Do you see the restlessness of those leaders? Their great concern was only with the details.
Is it possible that today’s leaders also fall into the same error? "Is it a sin to cut your hair?" "Is it a sin to pray sitting down?" "Is it a sin to have a playground next to the temple?" "Is it a sin to go to the beach?"
The Lord Jesus did not spend much time discussing with them. He turned to where a group of children was, put them on his lap, gently stroked their heads, and kissed their innocent faces. The rich young man was moved to see that scene. He could never have imagined that Jesus was capable of kissing and showing affection. That wasn’t the image he had learned about the Son of God. For the first time in his life, he felt like opening his heart to someone. He ran when Jesus was leaving the city, knelt before Him, and said: "…Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" (Mark 10:17) He was really saying: "Good Teacher, what must I do to be saved? I feel lost. I’m not sure of my salvation."
Why? Wasn’t he a good church member? Didn’t he follow all the rules? Oh! my dear, keeping commandments has never been synonymous with salvation. Being a good church member doesn’t mean being saved.
It is, in some way, possible to obey everything and be completely lost. Lost inside the church!
The Lord Jesus tried to lead the young man from the known to the unknown. The young man knew the letter of the law, the rules, the regulations, and Jesus said to him: "You know the commandments…" (Mark 10:19)
This was a shock treatment. "He answered and said to Him, Teacher, all these things I have kept since my youth." (Mark 10:20) …But the anguish does not disappear; the despair increases; the feeling of being lost grows stronger. Jesus looked at him with tenderness and loved him.
You know? Jesus loves you too. It doesn’t matter if you’re poor or rich, black or white, ugly or beautiful. He loves you. He understands you. That’s what the Bible says. You are the most important thing to God, no matter what moment you are living. You, with your struggles, your failures, your conflicts, your doubts and uncertainties; you, with your character flaws, with your irritable temperament, are the object of all of God’s love and care. It may be that at some point in your life you feel that no one likes you, that your parents do not understand you, that your teachers do not appreciate your worth, that life has denied you the opportunities given to others, that the whole world does not accept you. You may even dislike yourself. All of this may, in some way, be true, but God likes you; He understands you. Right now, be assured that He is very close to you, ready to help you, to support you, to value you.
Back in Judea, across the Jordan, centuries ago, Christ looked at the rich young man with love. He saw his internal conflicts, his struggles, his anguish. He saw his desperate situation: lost within the church, lost while keeping all the commandments, lost while obeying all the rules. "Do you know what your problem is, son?" said Jesus, "just one: you do not love Me. In your heart, there is no place for Me; in your heart, there is only room for money. You are willing to keep commandments, but you do not love Me, and as long as you do not love Me, I will not accept anything from you. It’s pointless to keep commandments, to follow rules, to obey regulations; if you do not love Me, none of that makes sense, and you will continue to feel this horrible emptiness in your soul. Let’s do one thing, My dear son: go home now, take the love for the things of this world out of your heart, put Me at the center of your life, and then come and follow Me." The Bible says that the young man, "…at this word, went away sorrowful…" (Mark 10:22)
What a tragedy! He was more ready to keep commandments than to love the Lord Jesus. Why? Perhaps because it is easier to appear good than to give one’s heart to God.
You might be thinking, "Fortunately, I do not have riches." That may be true. But sometimes, we do not need to have riches to dethrone Jesus from our hearts. Is it possible that you love a television artist more than Jesus? A sport, a girlfriend, a profession, studies—things that may even be good but can take the place of Christ in your heart. It might even be that you love your church, the doctrine of your church, the name of your church, more than the Lord Jesus.
I ask: What should be our primary concern, to love Jesus or to keep rules? Sometimes, we are more concerned that young people obey the rules than that they love Jesus. Jesus’ interest is different: "Give Me your heart, My son," He says while knocking at the door of the human heart.
There is something we should never forget: it is possible to keep rules without loving Jesus, but it is impossible to love Jesus and not keep the rules. So, what should be our first interest, our great goal? If a person loves Jesus with all their heart, they will be incapable of doing anything that would hurt their Redeemer. Consequently, their life will be a life of obedience.
Do you know what our great drama in spiritual life is? Do you know why we are not happy in church? We lack love for Christ. We are in church because we like it, its doctrine convinced us, the pastor made an irresistible appeal. We are in church because our parents want us to be, or to please our children or spouses, or simply because every human being needs a religion, but not because we love Jesus enough to say, "I cannot live without You."
– Pastor – a little old lady said to me one day – I have been married for almost 60 years. You can ask my husband, and he will say that I have always been a perfect wife. I did everything a good wife should do, I acted always in the right way, but I have never been happy.
– Why? – I asked.
– I do not love my husband, Pastor. – Was the answer.
– But then, why did you marry?
The old lady became emotional as she said:
– In my young days, we did not choose our husbands. Our parents chose husbands for us. One day my father said: 'Daughter, in two months you will marry my friend’s son.' The trousseau was prepared. The party was ready, and two days before the wedding, I met my fiancé. I didn’t like him. I never managed to like him, but I married because I had to obey. I was a perfect wife, but I was never happy.
How can one be happy beside someone they do not love? Baptism is a kind of marriage with Christ. Many Christians might say: "Lord, I am in church, baptized for five years, or ten, or fifteen years. All this time, I have somehow kept what the church asks. But I have never been happy." Why? Because it is not possible to be happy beside someone we do not love. Living alongside someone we love is already a challenging task; imagine when there is no love. We can never be happy just because we were born in the church or due to social, religious, or family pressure. All the reasons only make sense when the great reason is love for Christ. If not, the Christian life will become a "hell," a horrible burden to bear. Doing things just because we are baptized, just because we have to follow the rules of a church we have joined, just to please men is the worst thing that can happen. We will always be thinking of leaving, abandoning everything, or when no one is watching, we will be doing the wrong things.
All the church’s rules, everything we must abandon, everything we must learn will have meaning only when the love of Christ constrains our being. Our first prayer should not be: "Lord, help me keep Your commandments," but rather, "Lord, help me love You with all my being."
The rich young man left sad and never returned. He was ready to be a good church member but not to give his heart to the Master.
Have you ever asked yourself why you are in church? Do you think Christ came into this world so that Christian churches would be filled with people trying to behave well, or did He come so that people could be fulfilled and happy?
Right now, even though you cannot see Him, Jesus is near you with open arms saying, "Come to Me, My child." Are you sad? Come to Jesus. He will comfort your weary soul. Do you feel alone? Come to Jesus. He will fill your heart in such a way that you will no longer feel the coldness of loneliness. Is the weight of guilt from some past mistake tormenting you? Come to Jesus. He died to pay the price for your mistakes and is ready to give you today the opportunity to start a new experience. It doesn’t matter who you are or how you live. It doesn’t matter your present or past. It doesn’t matter your virtues or flaws; your victories or defeats. Come to Jesus and remember: You are the most beautiful thing He has in this world. He loves you and desires to be a part of your life. Are you willing to open your heart to Him?
Prayer
Dear Father, look at me at this moment. Please, come to meet me and make Yourself a real God in my life. Live with me as a personal friend. Remove from my life the fears, the prejudices, and the doubts, and let me find in You the peace my heart needs. In Jesus' name. Amen.
